I am feeling very loved today. May this joy ripple outward to the world.
Thank you for the outpouring of love and support regarding this new blog. So many of you have sent private messages or commented on Facebook, and it means so very much. Please also start sharing your thoughts below as well.
So, it’s been almost ten years since little Cynthia (not her real name) came into our life. You might remember my sharing stories about her before. From strawberry shortcake hugs, to magical fairies, to playing make believe. Knowing for weeks she was to be our daughter only to have it overturned by the courts left a big hole in our hearts.
To fill the void, my husband Steve and I took in three foreign exchange students. This is something we had started doing when we lived on the farm in the midwest. This lasted a span of five years and allowed me to advance in my career.
Earlier this year though I needed a change, and so I followed my intuition once again. I stepped down from being one of the Best Psychic Mediums (a title given to me for 3+ years) and began limiting my client time to group courses and V.I.P.’s.
And then it happened. I missed my menses two months in a row. I was so elated and overjoyed. I was hopeful this was our miracle.
But God-Source surprised me once again. “It’s perimenopause,” my doctor said. The grief I felt brought me to my knees. I must have cried for three days straight. My husband was dealing with this news in his own way. When we finally spoke of it, he admitted he was in pain.
“Let’s go to our place off the grid,” he encouraged. I felt too depressed to travel, but he insisted. And so we drove through the mountains and across snowy roads to arrive at our bungalow where we remained for a week.
Still feeling blue, I began paging through a People magazine and came upon a featured article on writer and actress Nia Vardalos, star of My Big Fat Greek Wedding. And the more I read, the more emotional I became.
Her story was of struggle with years of infertility — from invitros to surrogates to miscarriages, loss and devastation. She was then encouraged to consider fostering with the intention to adopt.
“Yea right. Good luck with that,” I said aloud and closed the magazine with a sigh.
But then God-Source’s voice penetrated my heart. “Keep reading.”
The words were a warm invitation, and so I gathered the courage to continue, and by the time I finished reading I was weeping, because Nia now has a daughter to call her own.
As I sat sobbing behind the pages of the magazine, Steve wondered what was causing me to meltdown in this way. And so I told him all about the story and how it MUST be a sign from above.
“We need to consider this again,” I said. The words were coming out of my mouth so fast it was as if someone else had taken over my body to speak. “If we don’t do this now, we never will. Do you really want to give up our last chance? Because this is it. This is our final soul-felt tap.”
Steve was moved yet naturally resistant. We debated for at least an hour as he threw out all of the old reasons it wouldn’t’ work. Yet nothing he said made any sense anymore. We are not the same two people we once were. — We have two homes, we have good jobs, we are healthy and in love.
“Let me think about it,” he said. That was good enough for me and gave me reason enough to start smiling again.
Here we are almost one year later and we are licensed in our home state. This took our having to fill out the packet of paperwork again, take more classes, and open our living space and personal lives so the home study could become complete.
Having to relive our pain of infertility has not been easy. It as taken a lot of courage and teamwork to retrace our steps again, yet we remain hopeful our next leg of the soul journey goes well.
Thank you God-Source for leading the way, because just like those foster children who all deserve a second chance, you are giving us our do-over again.