“If you’re completely exhausted and don’t know how you’re going to keep giving this much of yourself day after day, you’re probably a good parent.” ~ Bunmi Laditan
So it happened. My patience gave out and I yelled hard.
Hubby and kiddo were gone. I had a small window of free time and was so grateful for the silence I almost cried.
Though deep down I had known I’ve been grieving solitude, I had been far too busy to process it all.
Head’s up: My pent up feeling were about to have a field day!
“You’re becoming a snapper head,” my husband Steve had said the night before. It’s the name I’ve asked him to call me when I’m acting like a “B.”
“I know it” I admitted, “and I’m sorry, but all these responsibilities are starting to take a toll.”
Steve laughed. “Whatever. Just please stop making me walk on eggshells, okay? Besides, how hard can staying home be?”
I did my best to explain but he didn’t get it. For 10 straight months I’ve been knee deep in playtime, bath time, bed time, and meal time day after day plus running Kiddo to at least 3-4 doctor, counselor, therapist and specialist appointments per week.
For anyone who has every been the primary caregiver of a child with special needs, I understand how exhausting it can be.
And now, with a moment to myself, I was determined to relax no matter what.
I moved to my office downstairs. My desk was covered in receipts. It had been months since I was able to reconcile the books or file the bills.
Tension moved through my shoulders and tight neck.
Staring at the futon, I sighed. Should I take a nap? When was the last time I had gotten at least 8 hours of sleep?
My head turned toward the laundry. I winced. Wet clothes were in the washer, another pile on the dryer, and when I opened the hamper it too was full.
Stress stacked up inside me with no escape.
Then the dogs started barking from the back yard- the kind of bark that goes right through you – the kind that makes you cringe because you cannot help but wonder what your neighbors might think.
I took a deep breath, hoping it might calm me down, but the dogs kept yelping so loud it pierced my ears.
“Ahhh!” I loudly shouted, running to the window on the lower floor. I spotted some turkeys near the front of the house.
The barking persisted and would’t let up.
I took a flight of stairs so I could let both pets inside. As I opened the door, one of the dogs ran past me and left a long trail of mud on all the floors.
I screamed. I yelled. I lost my sh*t. I was aware of my volume and didn’t care.
Part 2 coming soon